how strange it is to be anything at all

today was cross country.
i didn't really run. i didn't get puffed out. i wanted to run more - THINK OF ALL THE WEIGHT I'LL LOSE! <3
yes anyways, that's besides the point, when me and alesha and eugenie got to castle towers we decided we wanted hot chips so we went to this takeaway and ordered a large hot chips.
then i saw these.. baclavas. whatever they were. tasty looking pastries.
and i said out loud oh my god.. those look so good.
and the man was like- they don't just look good, they taste good too!
and i laughed and yeah. kinda backed off because he might try sell them to me, you know how pushy some sales people can get.
instead he asked me and eugenie and alesha - have you ever tried baclavas before?
umm.. no..
never?
yeah.. never.
then he stood there, staring at the baclavas. thinking about something. after a moments hesitation, he announced that he was "going to be a good man for once" and he took out one baclava and went to chop it. i looked at the price tag and offered to pay but he said no. i don't want your money, i'm being a good man for once in my life. i thanked him and gladly accepted. it was really nice.

it was a strange, unsettling event. as eugenie describes it, "you just .. don't do that! you're not meant to be nice! .... ahh so confused.."
yeah. it baffled me too. people showing kindess and being nice. and giving.
eugenie said she almost wanted to cry for some reason.
i just ate the baclava.

yes well that takeaway will be seeing me more often now :)

owl city is calming.

today was a shit day through and through.
tomorrow will be the same.
so will the day after that. and the rest of the year. and so on.
most probably, the rest of my life will also be like that.
i need to do something radical- something out of the ordinary.. something completely uncalled for. something that the little man controlling the strings won't be expecting.
then maybe i'll break free of this monotonous routine
something radical.. but not radical enough for me to screw myself over...


what could it be.

i need a therapist. (i'll go listen to some more owl city..)
and a hersheys bar.

oh and owls are one of the coolest birds in the world (yes i know i went through this phase past year, along with the inbreds, disney, mickey, skinny jeans etc)
owls absolutely terrify me and fascinate me at the same time.
in real life im scared they'll peck my eyeballs out and eat me but some of them are soo preety ):
i like pretty. pretty is adriana lima.

i need a hero

no really, i do.

i need a fucking miracle to survive this year.
goddamnit why didn't i just go to a school for speds.

sdhogf ADSFGHIJ

COMMERCE TEST TOMORROW
(editing: i screwed it up)
what? who? huh? i need a break from all this shit.

oh yeah. and today my bible study threw me a suprise birthday party.
it was .. pretty rad. okay it was really cool and i was a happy chappy :)
that was like.. the first time somebody ever threw me a suprise birthday party
i felt all special and stuff. yeah. and they got me.. nice food and presents. yeah. <3

you don't like me, i don't like you; it don't matter

only difference- you still listen, i don't have to.
in one ear and out the other, i don't need you
your words don't stick, i ain't perfect but you aint either

if you're feeling fraudulantly
i ain't even losing sleep
there's more to me than what you see
you wouldn't like me when i'm angry

KILL THE LIGHTS
don't be scared, make a move, see me now?

i hate guys with bigger boobs than me.
1. because it's not aesthetically pleasing (for a guy)
2. i'd feel threatened
3. it freaks me out

signs that you have no life

- you blog too much
- you have no phone
- you are constantly on msn
- you enjoy sitting around doing nothing
- you are antisocial
- you are fat + all that

that's right. forgotten jelly. wobbling away in the corner. well no i don't wobble but in 40 years time if i'm still around (i don't plan on it) then i will be.





lord knows how much money i'd pay to be as hot as jessica alba.
and screw hilary duff, linsdsay lohan is like, totally cooler than her, so much that it's like.. of astronomical proportions.. yeah.. (god i suck at this now)

TYRA BANKS IS SO PRETTY WHAT THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM

ahh.. ahhh hhh huhh

that was meant to be the sound the faceless ogre/whatever makes from spirited away. the guy with the black cloak and a mask.

because he's fucking freaky and scares the shit out of me.
in fact the whole movie scared me and i got nightmares for weeks.
that's how big an impact spirits+ghosts+studioghibli material has on me.
DOES CHIHIRO END UP WITH HAKU (guy with the cleopatra cut)? DOES SHE? DOES SHE?
WHAT THE HELL, HE'S A RIVER SPIRIT? THEN HOW WILL THEY GET TOGETHER AND HAVE A HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH LOTS OF BABIES?? WHAT THE HELL THIS IS ALL MESSED UP HASOIFHDSOFISD :'(
that just ruined my life.

i only wrote the above to distract me from the fact that i'm home alone.
i keep hearing noises. snufflings in the corridor outside my room, cars going past, tappings, creaks, drops of water- just little noises.
shit. just then a car door opened. fuck. i hate it when that happens.
i keep thinking OH MY GOD WHAT IF THAT'S SOME AX MURDERER AHHHFH.
fuck, i swear the shadow in the bathroom moved just then. fuck fuck fuck.
oh my god. something just shook. in the kitchen. something. oh my-

and you know what? today i have not done a pages' worth of homework. not even a sentence so i need a fking miracle for me to survive next week.
fuck. my brain is in kick-back mode and won't let me do much more than watch tv and eat junk food. this homework is making my mind/brain/mentalself deteriorate.

i don't know what i want.
i don't know what i expect
but i do know what i don't like and school definately falls in that category. i don't see the logic in burning half my life in hell then to do what? get a good job and lots of money? for what? to buy shit (pretty pretty pretty shit) and then die?
I DON'T WANT TO DIE.

ahh the prattlings of an idle brain..

.. those footsteps.. they're not footsteps are they? not really. they're not coming towards my house.. no they're not.. no..sit still.. don't breathe no don't go get a bat.. you know tennis racquets are meant to hit balls only right? ... golf club.. no it's okay.. it's fading .. shit no it's back again LEAVE ME ALONE OH MY GOD I'M GOING FUCKING DERANGED IM NEUROTIC AND NOW IN HYSTERICS.

i need motivation. inspiration. SOMEBODY SAVE ME.

that's right. i need somebody to save me. why can't i be born into the hilton family or have angelina jolie adopt me. then i could live the luxe life like the pig i am.
and have not a care in the world because i'd have a fucking wardrobe full of pretty things.

damnation. damnation and hell.

prince charming- if you're out there, this is your call.

.. hurry up.
im not a very patient person.
oh here it goes.
im crashing-imcrashingimcrashin-imcrashing - oops too late i've already crashed.
or will in the near future.
if i don't do my homework.
i will crash.

this blog is like the serpent short story.
it was a cool short story.
i need medical attention or attention of some sort
because you know what? fuck you and your opinions on me. (i'm joking it's actually quite amusing to observe+ i think you're pretty cool. when you're not bitching about me)
i'm an attention seeker. great job figuring that out sherlock.
of COURSE im an attention seeker, i'm a human being i THRIVE off attention.
and when i am speaking no doubt i want your undivided attention.
which makes me an attention seeker.
know what that means? - YOU'RE AN ATTENTION SEEKER TOO

AHHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
you pretentious little prat

this is what happens when you consume three coconut whittaker's bars and a whole tub of mint choc chip icecream in the timespan of 2 days (most of which you spent asleep)

parum puh pum pum

ok go

Quit acting so friendly.
Don't nod don't laugh all nicely.
Don't think you'll up-end me.
Don't sigh, don't sip your iced-tea.
And don't say, "It's been a while..."
And don't flash that stupid smile.

Don't ask me how I've been.

Don't think I've forgotten,
you never liked that necklace.
So cordial, so rotten...
Kiss, kiss, let's meet for breakfast.
Don't show up so on-time
and don't act like you're so kind

Don't ask me how I've been.

Don't sit there and play just
so frank, so straight, so candid,
so thoughtful, so gracious,
so sound, so even-handed.
Don't be so damn benign
and don't waste my fucking time.

Don't ask me how I've been.

sweet dreams are made of these;

today on the train i tried to make this yr7 normo think i was lesbian with nicole.
epic fail ):
he just started going aggro and bitching to his friends.
suckerr. one day hes going to go gay.

school sucks. my life is getting even duller now.
why do i feel as if i'm going to be swamped over with more work later on in the year?
damn this all. damnation and obscenities.



lilly allen is THAT much hotter than katy perry.
in fact katy perry sucks and her lyrics piss me off.. but her songs are catchy
LILLY ALLENS ACCENT FTW and at least she doesn't have to resort to kissing girls.

i don't believe in shootin' stars, but i believe in shoes n' cars (:

I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds
I don`t know what`s right and what`s real anymore
I don`t know how I`m meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear
But it doesn`t matter cause I`m packing plastic
and that`s what makes my life so fucking fantastic

Now everything is cool as long as I`m getting thinner

lovers, dreamers and me

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

All of us under its spell,
We know that it's probably magic...

... Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
... Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm s'posed to be...
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

FRIDAY THIRTEEN

i think today was a shit day for most people.
other than the fact that majority of the people i know didn't get asked out for valentines today and shit weather = gloomy, aggravated people dreaming of better days.

a perfect example of the dark gothic day full of passionate, grief-stricken people.

ha ha ha hah ha gothic novels <3
i am reading the monk by matthew lewis whatever. first chapter and a half is quite well written. still i hope the plot is not as... controversial as the blurb states but apparantly it's a fine example of gothic novels and i am a fan :)

my anxiety has compelled me to finish the candies ha eun gave me and eat half a block of coconut chocolate today. i actually got fatter.
oh . my g.fsdfoj lord help me and my poor tsubis.

lol

it's cold
my throat is sore
i'm miserable
i'm tired
i'm sick.

this sucks.

BRITNEY SPEARS LOBE

She's soo lucky
But why does she cry?
If there is nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?

And they say..
She's so lucky,
She's a star
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart
Thinking, if there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

im STRONG baby~

she's like so whateverr
you could do so much better

-
my low opinion of you is getting even lower.
bad first impression, second impression, third and fourth-
i don't think i've ever had a good one of you; it was ruined before we'd even met.

ahhh today it was so hot.
and at krn school the teacher had to take photos of us all and upload our journals WTF MINE WAS RANTING AND STUPID ARGH.

i feel like the biggest tool this weekend.
krn school is scary, he kicks out people. it's like big brother. i'm scared i'll get evicted due to my absolute incompentency in korean

I WORSHIP BRITNEY SPEARS she is the ... diamond in my swarovski bling.

this? only one of the coolest games ever

Play Games at AddictingGames

my score -
186940
beast : one who can devour any pro player.

YAYYYYYY

241200
all star: one who has enslaved the pookies, and pimped the pros

316070
pwner: one who has PWNED every noob known to man

damn right.
beat my highest score and i'll buy you a lolly.

did you know?

that cake and ok go are bands? and they're pretty awesome?
that if i curled into a ball, i'd probably fit into dr stokes' tummy?
that i can now calculate the weight of a mass in neutons on the surface of another larger body of mass using the gravity formula?
that i did not understand anything at all about the gravity formula until annabel came along?
that annabel's brain is like a fucking pentium chip?
that being a kleptomaniac and an alcoholic at the age of 14 is really quite fucked up?

you know apparantly kleptomaniac's are just people who can't help but help themselves. i disagree. they're all of the same breed as the people who rape, steal and whatever because guess what? it doesn't matter what they do, they're all put under the same heading of CRIMINAL. i would feel much too guilty to wear anything i nicked, but i wouldn't even have the nerve to do something like that.
even if i were poor (which i am) i would much rather dress in rags and never go out instead. it doesn't matter if the company you're stealing from exploits workers or tests its products on wombats or rats - it's still illegal and makes you a bad person

ooh i'll just nick this ONE PAIR of shorts then okay? piss that. you can't be half bad, nearly bad, very good or whatever your teachers and whoevers tell you. either you're bad or good, in this case bad. though of course there's every chance you're probably not the type of person to care if you're bad or good if you do shit like that..
sorry if im being prejudiced and insensitive. i just really look down on people my age who do stuff like that. disdain.

i plaguarise.

and i think cilla's blog is cool so screw you if you think she's emo.
from what i recall, half the stuff was chanel and other runway photos.
hardly emotional faeces in my opinion.

nicole's blog is awesome. it makes me chuckle at a monitor.
my blog on the otherhand, is just an output of the stuff that dribbles out of my brain. whatever comes to mind. that i consider appropriate to display.
in ten years time, long after i probably quit blogging, i want to look back and laugh at what a loser i used to be and feel good :)
other than that, my blogs are pretty pointless.
no offense christine.

goddamnit you're so annoying

my dear, challenged (in certainly more ways than one), promiscuous, ignorant girl, don't flatter yourself. i regard you as highly as i would a wad of gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe. and so does most of the world. you're going to run out of people to play with (or maybe not).

but one day you're going to crash.
and i'm a real big bitch.

oh and for the record, the world revolves around ME. I AM THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE. THE APPLE OF (?)'S EYE. HAH. SUCKS TO BE YOU. i am the fucking sun in my solar system, i- leave me alone i don't like you D:


>:(