it is sometimes exhausting

going to a school full of amazingly talented pretty smart hard-working girls

because i'm so lazy.
they expect me to do all this work.
i don't do it.
i'm pressured to do it coz all the other girls do.

it's also frustrating to see some girls pull down our glorious school name.
i won't have someone running for prefect who's convinced our school is 'fucking shit' and wishes she could go to some whatever school

BECAUSE I TELL YOU ONCE I TELL YOU AGAIN
hornsby girls really is the best :)
for me.
should be for you too.

we are all (mostly) such lovely people.
and the rest are still lovely rotten bitches. note the prescence of lovely.
lovely meaning we can all suck it up and get along.

i get the feeling my life is getting nowhere.
my life is like my short stories - it has no direction.
i need a grounding of some sort. nah co-dependancy is fucking pathetic.
but it has been sort of depressing these days.
and my attendance rate is fucking shit.

rather than being one of those quick learners who can memorise + recite easily
i wish i had more in the effort department
i'm so fucknig lazy and i can't bring myself to do any work
like
esp for maths and spanish LOL
i suppose if i tried i would do okay.
but i don't want to. i hate doing things i don't want to so i never do it.
that's an unhealthy philosophy- one cannot live merely doing what they want to do.

... but i can get away with it so i do it anyway. that's fucking conceited but i don't envy myself at all.
another confusing thing is me being bright? ????
i am just a carrot.
i have never really thought of myself as anything
but stiflingly average.
i was pretty below average in primary.
painstakingly average in every sense and aspect. so dull and AVERAGE.
FUCK MY LIFE.
eh. i want a ps3.

another thing worth of note:
as you all know i am not of a very affluent background.. anymore.
we are very pov.
my uniform is no less than 8 sizes too big.
it is like a 32-34 or wahtever.
i am a 24-26.
my mum won't buy me a uniform that fits me because she says its too expensive.
i'm worried about being a dag at semiformal coz i can't buy pretty and pricey dresses.

today my dad came home with a 50" HDTV, a brand new computer which has all these impressive specs, a 1TB external hard drive, norton anti virus

all of which cost at least 2k.

where the fuck did we get the funds for this?

..



they wouldnt even buy me one of those little laptops tht i can take to school and write notes when i'm at places
those are like 200$ if you use the tax rebate.
wtfuck?
so am i meant ot be delighted or upset and pissed off?
i'm confused.

you know i was just starting to think
yay we finally got a hdtv and now i'm thinking...
LOL.... we're the last ones to get one.
like. every house i go to they have one and i just.. kinda took it for granted that everyone has one but us..
coz i don't watch tv..

yeah.