a growing awareness of self?

for the past few days i have been having the most fucked up dreams of angsty emo shit.
you know how writers like stephen king and mindfuck directors ilke that guy that did inception and shutter island are inspired by their dreams?

and it influences their writing?
well .. my dreams seem to have been influenced by my writing
dark korean shit with undertones of horror.
it has also escaped my notice until now how curiously shaped i am.
i always whingr about my ass and thigh fat and i realise it will never go away. not really. encased within the thick layers of fat are actual bones set that way so i can have kids.

i think it unjust of me how i really wish my kids aren't girls.
for their own sake . and girls are too much of a hassle.
it really is a difficult thing to be born a girl.