pms

today i woke up thinking kareoke was the stupidest shit ever
obviously i am not in a rational state of mind

but seriously, what the fuck?
really? why would you want to burn your ears like that?
how humiliating it is! how stupid i am!

i have no(t many) friends
everyone should feel sorry for me jokes fucksgodfg shitall
im going to go wallow in self-pity and drown myself in english homework now
why doesnt anything ever make sense

UPDATE: i wrote 1600 words of ext eng textual dynamics essay and that's the most i'll ever achieve today.
i also wrote my report on hina matsuri in COHERENT JAPANESE WITH PICTURES so fucking roberts can get off my case
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
starting my prac letter now.

If all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed
Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea
For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me

And then she said she can't believe
Genius only comes along
In storms of fabled foreign tongues
Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs
Northern downpour sends its love

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely

The ink is running toward the page
It's chasin' off the days
Look back at both feet
And that winding knee
I missed your skin when you were east
You clicked your heels and wished for me

Through playful lips made of yarn
That fragile Capricorn
Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves
I know the world's a broken bone
But melt your headaches, call it home

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely
[x3]

Sugarcane (hey moon) in
(Hey moon) the easy mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my
(Hey moon) one and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely

[Continues in background:]
Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn
[x2]



lak seriaslay, rachel is sho kewl.
remember this song from ages back.
we're gnr metro station together in march.

things i want to buy when i go to korea

headbands
earrings
fob glasses
big bags
makeup
skincare
clothes that fit me
cute socks
shoes that fit and don't smell like plastic
nailpolish
hair treatment thing
pens and stuff
stickers
glow in the dark decals
language books
books (SO I CAN FUCKING LEARN)
a 2012 planner
anything i see that is cute
.. everything

digital camera

at least it wasn't in my mouth

today i woke up, rolled over, found i'd been sleeping on a massive ass hairy spider.
probably killed it with my fat.







so this morning i actually woke up when i woke up and literally leapt out of bed sort of screaming.


.......................... yeah...
....................................

i slept at 8pm though and i had really weird dreams.
////////////////////////

english is taking over my life

ms black 2#

yes this is angsty and childish but you know what i am

today at recess i went to see ms black.
she started off by saying something along the lines of
i still don't believe you / blablaba this room looked disgusting when i found it yesterday recess
and i started off by saying well i've talked to people in my class and people who left after me and they tell me we left it spotless. if you like you can ask them
also, after class we went straight to the cottage. how can you say it wasn't someone that just came in at recess? and it was cold outside, juniors just come in to random rooms any time
and she's like well i left the cottage meeting early and that's when i found the mess, are you trying to tell me that someone came in here in the two minutes i was gone, made the mess and ran off?
and i was like are you saying that we opened a packet of preservatives and made the mess when mr hindmarsh was in the room and we were actually in class?
and then she just changes the topic to something completely different
saying how she doesn't believe me, and how she's justified in thinking that it's me because i talk in class
i've been talking to people in my class that sit at various places in the room and they tell me, yes, i do talk in class, but so does everyone else, and i'm definately not the person who talks the most.
so what the fuck is this bullshit?
and then she goes on to talk about my disrespectful, rude, arrogant way of talking to people and is like yeah blablabl can you just talk to your teachers with more respect blablab you're rude etc
and i was like
well you pulling me out of class like that, accusing me of something i didn't even do, calling me a liar and then going so far as to try make me rat out my own friends? what do you call that?
and she was ilke yes, that was a bit rude but i would have treated you with the proper respect were it not for the reports of your appalling behaviour and blablabla
and im thinknig oh so because i talk in class you can talk to me like i'm your bitch is it?
but she went on to say and i'm a teacher so i'm higher than you on the school hierarchy, if you even understand what that is

and im thinking
wow
bitch who the fuck do you think you are?
yes, you are a head teacher of social sciences, albeit a good teacher from what i hear
but that doesn't mean you can just go around doing wahtever the fuck you like and expecting everyone to kissy our ass
definately not me.

so she just started telling me off about my behaviour and how im discussed int he office and how my name keeps popping up
and i was ilke well i dont understand because it's not like i'm the only one that talks in class and the people around me talk over me when i'm not talking anyway so what's the difference?
and she's like well you're mentioned more than the others so you must be really bad or some shitfuck assumption she made
and she says how it's my fault some people aren't doing as good at eco as they should be
and how i'm being rude to my entire class or some shit
she's talking as if she's some kind of omniscient prick and she knows everything that's been going on and whatever i say is just poppycock
like the red queen in alice in wonderland
and she's saying how i'm gaining notoriety in the office because blablablbal and she's spoken to some of my other teachers abuot me and blblablaal

and iw as ilke
mrs roberts? = =
well you can hardly blame us because when we're not learning anything we have nothing else to do. i have people sitting by me that are drawing pictures and playing on their iphones, you can hardly accuse me of distracting them
and she's like well i don't know what happens in japanese but blablabla

and im thinking ms roberts that cunt
at the end of last year when i was picking up ext jap and mr hatton was going around asking eng and jap department if i was competent enough to pick up the extensions, she told mr hatton i was underperforming, easily distracted and not doing so well lately.

i'm coming 4th.
1st is caroline, 2nd is gigi and monica. i'm 4th.
and carroline, gigi and monica are all REALLY GOOD at japanese.

so what bullshit is this? i don't mean to be arrogant but i am hardly 'underperforming', which leads me to believe she'll say anything about me.

ms black accused me of being 'constantly late' to class 'having a negative attitude' and being overtly aggressive when addressing teachers.
aggressive maybe so, but only to her, and what option did i have? here she is accusing me of trashing the eco room, calling me a liar and telling me i'm ruining my friends marks and i'm a wicked demon child constantly discussed in the office room. that's clearly bullshit and what option do i have but to be just as aggressive as she's being? how can i help but not be upset and REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF THAT SHE'S TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT
constantly late?
everyone
is late to eco
i'm hardly ever the latest.
same for jap, so what bullshit is this?
this isn't even just from my perspective, i've asked other people too.
as for my attitude, she can actually suck a dick because she is the last person to lecture me on my attitude and the way i talk to people
that hypocritical white prick

and now i'm becoming more racist against white people because i talk to koreans too much.

fucking :(

i forgot what else she said but afterwards she was like so blablablabla i want you to respect your teachers more when you speak to them blablalabala stop being so rude in class or some shit and was like okay. now put this behind you and i hope you learn from this.

shocking. i was like wow so you're not even going to apologise for pissing me the fuck off yesterday with the whole trashing the classroom thing. in fact you think me talking in class just justifies your suspicion? how the fuck do you even teach legal studies? fucking ridiculous.
and she just talked in such a conceited condescending manner it was disgusting.
'condescending pig'

in short, i think ms black is a massive prick and should go back to teaching at a boys school where nobody gives a fuck about her anyway as long as she can teach.
\


i talked to mr hindmarsh after school about this too
and he said what he told her was that he didn't know who made the mess but he just saw me playing with the satchel a bit in class.
which means she just took it wayy fucking over the top and went apeshit at me for no fucking reason. fucking pmsing bitches.
and he said well it's true that i do talk a lot in class i have to agree with him, blablablaa distracting others blablablablaa.
and i was like well instead of going off adn telling ms black, why didn't you just tell me?
it's not like you've indicated it before, yes you have told me off a bit but you do that to everyone i had no idea that we were the MOST rowdiest or the MOST problematic of the classroom and he's just like blablabalbfldsfsdf yeah ok you're right blablblaa sorry i just didn't want to upset anyone but now that the cat's out of the bag i might as well say it
and i said no it would have been fine if you ahd just told me, i don't know why ms black is the one to tell me
he explained that the bitchign about me was just random things teachers say in the office like oh today blablabla kept talking
or w/e and ms black was meant to js tell me off about the mess i made but she just ended up bringing up my behaviour in class
my behaviour in class is not half bad. a pathetic excuse to justify herself.
for a pathetic person.


in conclusion, mr hindmarsh is a pussy. but a decent person.
ms black is ridiculous and blatantly fucking stupid; blind to all sense of reason and rationality or decency in general, with a suffocating sense of entitlement and expects everyone to play 'sycophant'

end.

i hate the entire social sciences staff

so today ms black took me out of jap and gave me an earful about someone trashing the eco room after first period.

she aws like
'i heard you were playing around with a sachey (sachet) in class'
i was like wth? umm.. i don't remember
and she'sl ike 'oh really. well let me go show you.'
and she shows me the preservative sachel i picked up and looked at for a bit then put down and never thought about it again.
i told her that i played with it a bit in class and i just left it there.
and she was like
oh really?
why did you bring it there what was it doing there blablablbala
and im like

it was there on my desk. i looked at it and put it down. i didn't open it.
then she was like oh, changing the story are you? and i was like what the fuck? so that means im lying? then she told me off about how i keep changing my story and im thinking well maybe its coz i don't fucking remember every fucking thing i play with in fucking eco. dipshit.
and she' was like well someone did and they put it all over the table and floor and left a mess
and im thinking what the fuck?
i tried telling her it wasn't me then she told me it had to be me because
1) i play around in eco class
2) i was seen playing with the packet.
sorry, why is she a teacher again?
i tried telling her i didn't then she called me a liar and said it HAD to be either ME or someone in my class namely my friends because nobody was there during recess.

yes, because we were ALL in the cottage at recess and so was she.
which means if it was me it could only have been done during class.
and what kind of dumbfuck is she if she thinks we'd do something like that with a teacher in the room, assuming that we WOULD do something fucking dumb like that.

in the end she told me i was a liar and i was probably covering up for one of my friends or w/e and that i had to either rat them out or clean it myself.
i told her it couldn't have been one of my friends and that this is ridiculous and unfair and if that's how it's got to go i'll clean it myself.

man she was such a fucking prick about all of this

i'm imagining going to the counseller and bitch about her and cry about how traumatised i am so she'll get some shit and laughing. too bad i'm not emo enough
dontwant to waste hatton's time over this
fucking mr hindmarsh bitching about me behind my fucking back.
mrs black may be good at teaching, but i'm assuming that's the only skill she has.

everything is happenin' so fast

time spent doing nothing goes by quick
a sign i've aged is looking back on the past and pondering things
being able to be lost in my memories
of what?

eh

its monday soon
before i know it it'll be friday again
then exams
then holidays
then hsc
then korea
then back to australia
then what?
then what?
my life will spread out in front of me and i will be required to make incisions, disect, remove and sew up whatever it is i must and i don't want to i just like this blank plain :(

OH THE SHIT I DO WHEN I DON'T WANT TO WORK.
MK TIME TO GET CRACK-A-LACKIN'
fuck hsc whatever i wanna be a dishwasher~
joke.

WHAT? I ONLY HAVE FOUR IMAGINARY FRIENDS :(

joke i quote genie.

i was going to be like 'WELL MY MUMMY LOVES ME'
but i'm not really convinced she does ahahah im so gay

but seriously womg i don't want the english department to send letters home about how i don't get my work done omg :(
LET ME BE LAZY DAMN YOUSE!
ARGH!

:(

i hate doing work. i am now working.
i don't like people being disappointed in me
farr :(


these days i've been dreaming
and then they turn into sort of nightmarish things
liek the shit i wanna write about in my ext 2
then i think WOW THIS OWULD BE A GOOD IDEA FOR MY EXT 2 MAJOR WORK
and i full contemplate it
and my subconscious shoves all these ideas and possibilities in my face
and they all seem so brilliant and wonderful at the time
then i wake up semi awake and i realise
what the fuck had i been thinking about?
... huh?

well now i have an idea.
newspaper articles to chronicle deaths.
(i woke up thinking LETTERS.. before. but now.. ?)

VALENTINES DAY :D

when im bored i think putting on one-sided makeup really fascinates me o_o
then i like to compare and see how different i look
i was trying to look like a rocker because i'm going to a concert on sunday.
the brown circle lens my dad bought me is really subtle :o my left eye looked the same as my right.. just.. my right one looked a bit more like i was buzzed ..
but i can't seem to wear lenses for more than ten minutes without thinking shitshitshit im going to go blind fuck i bet my eyes are red and veiny holy shit im going to die D:

so today i woke up a LITTLE LATE.

my hindmarsh gave us these badasses from costa rica.. wait no.. i think it was el salvador. worry dolls. these guys will keep me safe.


the disadvantage of having the 611 cancelled is that now i rely on my mum to drive me to castle towers to catch the bus to school.
today i actually got ready in time and was going to go when she got pissed at me and just drove off.
fucking bitch.

i have no other way of getting to school now that would get me there on time.
fuck she's so fucking dumb acting like a four year old like that.

she also trod on something in my room which was my bag which had my travel shampoo in it and it burst and seeped through the bag and went all over the floor and ruined everything beneath it.
fucking bitch.

yeah i just didn't go to school for two days.
everything is a bitch. whatever i don't give a FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU ALL







according to timothy delaghetto it's okay for me to be single on valentines day
:D
lol 'redweek is headweek'
i would never give head

SOK TO BE SINGLE ON VALENTINES DAY MEGAN! SOK.
TIMOTHY DELAGHETTO IS MY VALENTINES :)

whatever yeah so what if i'm a fag

i squeal while reading pride and prejudice.
is there a more definitive indicator of being a loser with no life?

:(


i bought a yearly planner today it was 5$ and is pretty shitty
but i will use it until july and it will be beautifully adorned with pictures by me and megan.

then i will buy a business moleskine :3

you're a butterfly on my brain

i think everyone should know habits i had in kindergarden.
i'd look to my extreme lefts and rights to try figure out what shape my eyes were.
when people pissed me off i tried to look as high as i could (in effect i would look like i was rolling my eyes/ retarded) into my sockets so i couldn't see them.
i had some pretty weird habits.

a growing awareness of self?

for the past few days i have been having the most fucked up dreams of angsty emo shit.
you know how writers like stephen king and mindfuck directors ilke that guy that did inception and shutter island are inspired by their dreams?

and it influences their writing?
well .. my dreams seem to have been influenced by my writing
dark korean shit with undertones of horror.
it has also escaped my notice until now how curiously shaped i am.
i always whingr about my ass and thigh fat and i realise it will never go away. not really. encased within the thick layers of fat are actual bones set that way so i can have kids.

i think it unjust of me how i really wish my kids aren't girls.
for their own sake . and girls are too much of a hassle.
it really is a difficult thing to be born a girl.

seriously? seriously.

MR DARCY IS SUCH A BABE OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM WHAT THE HELL

sniffle

wtheck i thnk i got a cold.

i got a jap tutor today!!!!!!!!! I THINK HE'S PRETTY COOL.
I WOULD LIKE TO THINK OF HIM AS MY NEW FRIEND.

I NEED MORE FRIENDS. EVERYONE'S OFF DOING MATHS N SHIT
I'M JUST BY MYSELF WRITING LETTERS TO MYSELF AND DRAWING RAINBOWS
:(
I FEEL PRETTY SAD .
I NEED ATTENTION.



i'm quite alone here. quite alone.
waiting for something good to come by . still.

girls be ambitious

i need more ambition. i am so unaccustomed to doing work or intellectual thought these days

hsc schmsc.
i should wake up from my daydreams and fantasies and realise after hsc i'll run face first into a very thick unmerciful wall.
there has never been, never will be a quick fix option for me.
i'll have to work to the bone for everything i want i guess.

i want to disappear

in the words of fay weldon

'The thing is, you need to find a man who is cleverer than you, or at least not let him know that you are cleverer than him,' she said.
'Women want boyfriends to be like their girlfriends, fun to go to the pictures with, but men are not like that. They want sex and they grunt. If you really want a man to be nice to you, never give him a hard time, never talk about emotions and never ask him how he is feeling.'
She also said women should have babies early, then go out to work, and suggested they should be less picky in the search for a partner.
'As long as you have a sort of semi-good looking, able-bodied, intelligent man, you should have his baby,' she said.



too bad semi-good looking is such a hard thing to come by these days in an ordinary man.
intelligent.
must
be
more
intelligent than me. is that too much to ask for