WORKFIRE

people started setting off fireworks just then.
they're pretty.

just to let you know
i'm shit scared of fireworks (up close)
they... fly up into the sky.. and burst into pretty coloured smoke
and then fade away.

i'm scared ash or whatever will land on my head and burn me.
they sound like a retarded gunshot.
why is everyone so festive and i'm just dreading the feeling of knowing i'll be a year closer to my death than i was before D=

shit

oh my god. i accidentally posted a blog i was only meant to save as a draft
holy fuck

oh my god. and i left it on there for like. 2 days
oh my god. holy fuck
why did i do that
that was so fking stupid wtfff
TWO BUTTONS. ONE ORANGE ONE BLUE.
PRESS ORANGE FOR BUBBLY SHIT PRESS BLUE FOR PRIVATE STUPID THINGS NOBODY WOULD WANT TO READ ANYWAYS.
FUCK.

god i feel so stupid right now.

shit

fuck

i hope nobody read that o_O
everybody disregard it.
fuck.
that was humiliating.

tree in the breeze. calm.

now that i've calmed down a bit, i shall recount my days at avoca beach.

i got three undies from antz pantz as my christmas present.
those were the only presents i got.
they were from a woman my mum is friends with and she told me she was about to get me lacy ones or a g-string.
i resisted the urge to slap her and tell her im fucking 14.

on boxing day, i felt so emo i decided to try walk to the nearest shopping centre.
kincumber - 3km. we walked for an hour (uphill, lots of bushes, no pathways and streets to cross with racist white people honking cars at you because there are zero asians in avoca other than at the beach) and ended up at the local "centro"
which turns out, only had a bakery, fish shop and pharmacy and all that crap.
and they were all fucking closed.
on the way, we saw three dead birds, rubber glove, retarded gekko thing, ancient 2 dollar coin and a cow hoof (lower leg, to be more precise).

for the last one, we were walking and two local boys our age whom we met along the way pointed it out with such indifference
they were js like, see that thing over there by the gutter on the other side of the street? that's a cow hoof.
me - w t f

the other present i got is terrible tan lines and sunburn.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck :'(

lest we forget

that was the worst fucking christmas i've ever had.
and the last christmas i'll ever spend with my family or willingly sacrifice something.



i hope you all had terrible christmas's too.

christmas is all around me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.

merry wishes, fishes(?) and dishes

merry christmas eve.
i hope you guys have a great day today, tomorrow and the day after that.
i'm going to miss all the text messages you guys used to send me on days like this.

i do wish i had my phone back.
then i could send some too.

i am such a christmas presentless person
but it's okay. so was jesus (mostofthetime). and those third world children.
even though they're skinnier than me so they should be relatively pleased.
somewhat.

still, this sucks real bad.

today i was shouted pancakes on the rocks by my loaded teacher.
it was yummy. i ate as much as i could.
but today still sucked.

tomorrow will suck too.
i have nothing to do and nobody to do it with.
everyone's going overseas.
i feel alone and unwanted ):

there is something verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry wrong with me .
i wish i had my phone back somtimes.

i realised this while talking to nicole that well..
conversations dont get any better as you grow up.
they get more awkward. and you (usually) grow more sensitive to that awkwardness as you get older.
and you end up feeling like a super loser dork thing.
i don't think it's just nicole and me that hate awkward convos like these.

i hear you. real loud.

sometimes i think/realise/know that some of my friends are the most suss/dodgy shit i've ever seen.

i do think i deserve more than that. at the very least.

i overestimated you.
very disappointed.

mirror mirror on the damned wall

waves of paranoia and fear of reflective surfaces.
sometimes i can swear someperson(s) who are supposed to like me very much actually hate me. much more than they ever liked me.

i hate this that those these .

anyhow, today i got results back.. AND I GOT A CERTIFICATE.
to certify my excellency of course.
and i didn't do as bad as i expected.
i have no life :)
hey, that don't matter . i've got a bigger body butter than you all
i'm invincible with a pair of tsubi jeans wrapped around my neck
(because they don't fit me D:)

this is your life

so today i skipped out on school because i had to enrol my brother into normo.
that school is so concretey. i was so scared i'd be recognised and embarrassed.
anyhow, then i went to hornsby to clean out my locker and entrusted rachel with my key.

does anybody know any normos who'd be willing to donate their old school uniform to my brother?
i guess hand-me-downs are chat, but hey, we're asian and my brother's going to transfer to a better school in yr8 anyways so not much point burning 300$ on ugly uniform.. right?

so far no luck.
i cant believe i have do do this -_-
why cant she js buy him a freaking uniform like every other freaking normal freaking mother freaking freak arghhhhhhhhhh.

unexpected, yet anticipated

oo la LA la LAA!
well wouldn't you look at that.
:? <-- that is a mouth eating a spaghetti.

i should stop watching communitychannel.
and. i really want to watch that dragon ball movie coming out next year.

we learn to say goodbye

i might have actually enjoyed duke of edinburgh camp if i missed out on school because of it.
instead, i missed out on yr9 farewell/graduation party at church and it ate up my whole weekend.
it was. fun.
not as physically taxing as i expected
i discovered friends i didn't know i had
and that well.. i am quite reasonably liked amongst fellow dofe'rs in our grade :)
we saw a shooting star. that was the first time i ever saw one.
i can't exactly say it was beautiful, but it was pretty freaking awesome.
i made a wish.

just then, i put on my shorts.
either they shrunk a significant amount in the wash, or i've been supersized.
not to mention quite ripped-off.

anyhows. mr man upstairs.
i am very, profusely disappointed.
in everything. and everything. and d*@*#&
i know i'm probably blowing all this out of proportion
but really, that was it for me.
you suck.
and i'm fat.

oh yes, this is a very solemn letter.. well.

dear sandy claws.
this christmas, due to my crippling financial crisis as of .. well the day my dad decided to screw the whole family over, i have a rather large christmas list this year because they can't buy me anything much anymore.
nevertheless, i am expecting a very happy christmas because it is the thought that counts. but if i, by a sick twist of chance end up unhappy on christmas eve then i will come find you. and i will kill you. because i am an evil assassin.

1. 1 000 000$ body shop gift voucher (body butter :D)
2. a very very very nice white t-shirt.
3. skinny jeans. preferably levis or tsubi.
4. anorexia in a bottle
5. house of leaves
6. shaun tan books
7. how to talk to girls by that cool 9 year old kid
8. a ps3 and psp and crisis core and everything else tetsuya nomura touched
9. another very very nice white t-shirt
10. a remote to kill people with and pause time and rewind and fast forward and whatnot.

oo. only 10 things. well mr sandy claws, i'll be waiting with milk, cookies and a shotgun :)

p.s. me and annabel find alcoholic chocolates quite enjoyable, so you know what to bring as an offering. preferably fine wine that is older than my ancestors.

i have often dreamt
of a far-off place
where a great warm welcome
is awaiting me

and the crowds will cheer
when they see my face
and a voice keeps saying..
this is where i'm meant to be..

i will find my way.
i can go the distance
i don't care how far,
somehow i'll be strong.
i know every mile
will be worth my while

i would go most anywhere
to find where i belong.

and i've found it.
all i need is a one-way plane ticket to korea.

actually no. it's probably not there. that's just my dream permanent holiday place.
i've been taken away from it for too long.
it's probbably somewhere else. just not here.
because home is supposed to be a sanctuary.
home is where you have people that care.
home is where you are happy
and.. you're supposed to be and feel safe at home.

home isn't where you feel endangered every 5 minutes
home isn't where you're frequently harrassed, interrogated and bashed
that's a fucking detention camp

i need to find my home soon before i detoriate and there's nothing left to find a home for.

just another day in grayscale.

Dad: LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING. OMG YOU HAVE NO TASTE OR SENSE AT ALL.
Mom: Of course not, if i had any taste or sense whatsoever, you think i'd have married a person like you?
Me: (eavesdropping) LOL.
and that was the nicest conversation the two had all week.

I WANT THE BOOK "How to talk to girls" by Alec Greven.
written by a 9 year old. i am willing to sacrifice 20$ for this.

100

today i lost all faith in humanity.
"sometimes kids forget that teachers are human too."
well if they acted like humans, then obviously, they would be treated like one.
it's really hard to respect someone as a human if they act like a dog or a pig half the time.
judy, here i come. in yr11 of course.
fuckk. why didn't i apply this year?
i even tried and got straight A's to look good on my application.
oh wells. will just have to do it again.
i bags sitting next to you in jap.
tho you don't blogspot..

my brother, yes the yr6 imbecile, just gave me a lesson in physics.
i think i've got one of those psychotic disorders.
or i'm on the island of dreams and nightmares.
it was like momo talking.