WORKFIRE

people started setting off fireworks just then.
they're pretty.

just to let you know
i'm shit scared of fireworks (up close)
they... fly up into the sky.. and burst into pretty coloured smoke
and then fade away.

i'm scared ash or whatever will land on my head and burn me.
they sound like a retarded gunshot.
why is everyone so festive and i'm just dreading the feeling of knowing i'll be a year closer to my death than i was before D=

shit

oh my god. i accidentally posted a blog i was only meant to save as a draft
holy fuck

oh my god. and i left it on there for like. 2 days
oh my god. holy fuck
why did i do that
that was so fking stupid wtfff
TWO BUTTONS. ONE ORANGE ONE BLUE.
PRESS ORANGE FOR BUBBLY SHIT PRESS BLUE FOR PRIVATE STUPID THINGS NOBODY WOULD WANT TO READ ANYWAYS.
FUCK.

god i feel so stupid right now.

shit

fuck

i hope nobody read that o_O
everybody disregard it.
fuck.
that was humiliating.

tree in the breeze. calm.

now that i've calmed down a bit, i shall recount my days at avoca beach.

i got three undies from antz pantz as my christmas present.
those were the only presents i got.
they were from a woman my mum is friends with and she told me she was about to get me lacy ones or a g-string.
i resisted the urge to slap her and tell her im fucking 14.

on boxing day, i felt so emo i decided to try walk to the nearest shopping centre.
kincumber - 3km. we walked for an hour (uphill, lots of bushes, no pathways and streets to cross with racist white people honking cars at you because there are zero asians in avoca other than at the beach) and ended up at the local "centro"
which turns out, only had a bakery, fish shop and pharmacy and all that crap.
and they were all fucking closed.
on the way, we saw three dead birds, rubber glove, retarded gekko thing, ancient 2 dollar coin and a cow hoof (lower leg, to be more precise).

for the last one, we were walking and two local boys our age whom we met along the way pointed it out with such indifference
they were js like, see that thing over there by the gutter on the other side of the street? that's a cow hoof.
me - w t f

the other present i got is terrible tan lines and sunburn.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck :'(

lest we forget

that was the worst fucking christmas i've ever had.
and the last christmas i'll ever spend with my family or willingly sacrifice something.



i hope you all had terrible christmas's too.

christmas is all around me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.

merry wishes, fishes(?) and dishes

merry christmas eve.
i hope you guys have a great day today, tomorrow and the day after that.
i'm going to miss all the text messages you guys used to send me on days like this.

i do wish i had my phone back.
then i could send some too.

i am such a christmas presentless person
but it's okay. so was jesus (mostofthetime). and those third world children.
even though they're skinnier than me so they should be relatively pleased.
somewhat.

still, this sucks real bad.

today i was shouted pancakes on the rocks by my loaded teacher.
it was yummy. i ate as much as i could.
but today still sucked.

tomorrow will suck too.
i have nothing to do and nobody to do it with.
everyone's going overseas.
i feel alone and unwanted ):

there is something verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry wrong with me .
i wish i had my phone back somtimes.

i realised this while talking to nicole that well..
conversations dont get any better as you grow up.
they get more awkward. and you (usually) grow more sensitive to that awkwardness as you get older.
and you end up feeling like a super loser dork thing.
i don't think it's just nicole and me that hate awkward convos like these.

i hear you. real loud.

sometimes i think/realise/know that some of my friends are the most suss/dodgy shit i've ever seen.

i do think i deserve more than that. at the very least.

i overestimated you.
very disappointed.

mirror mirror on the damned wall

waves of paranoia and fear of reflective surfaces.
sometimes i can swear someperson(s) who are supposed to like me very much actually hate me. much more than they ever liked me.

i hate this that those these .

anyhow, today i got results back.. AND I GOT A CERTIFICATE.
to certify my excellency of course.
and i didn't do as bad as i expected.
i have no life :)
hey, that don't matter . i've got a bigger body butter than you all
i'm invincible with a pair of tsubi jeans wrapped around my neck
(because they don't fit me D:)

this is your life

so today i skipped out on school because i had to enrol my brother into normo.
that school is so concretey. i was so scared i'd be recognised and embarrassed.
anyhow, then i went to hornsby to clean out my locker and entrusted rachel with my key.

does anybody know any normos who'd be willing to donate their old school uniform to my brother?
i guess hand-me-downs are chat, but hey, we're asian and my brother's going to transfer to a better school in yr8 anyways so not much point burning 300$ on ugly uniform.. right?

so far no luck.
i cant believe i have do do this -_-
why cant she js buy him a freaking uniform like every other freaking normal freaking mother freaking freak arghhhhhhhhhh.

unexpected, yet anticipated

oo la LA la LAA!
well wouldn't you look at that.
:? <-- that is a mouth eating a spaghetti.

i should stop watching communitychannel.
and. i really want to watch that dragon ball movie coming out next year.

we learn to say goodbye

i might have actually enjoyed duke of edinburgh camp if i missed out on school because of it.
instead, i missed out on yr9 farewell/graduation party at church and it ate up my whole weekend.
it was. fun.
not as physically taxing as i expected
i discovered friends i didn't know i had
and that well.. i am quite reasonably liked amongst fellow dofe'rs in our grade :)
we saw a shooting star. that was the first time i ever saw one.
i can't exactly say it was beautiful, but it was pretty freaking awesome.
i made a wish.

just then, i put on my shorts.
either they shrunk a significant amount in the wash, or i've been supersized.
not to mention quite ripped-off.

anyhows. mr man upstairs.
i am very, profusely disappointed.
in everything. and everything. and d*@*#&
i know i'm probably blowing all this out of proportion
but really, that was it for me.
you suck.
and i'm fat.

oh yes, this is a very solemn letter.. well.

dear sandy claws.
this christmas, due to my crippling financial crisis as of .. well the day my dad decided to screw the whole family over, i have a rather large christmas list this year because they can't buy me anything much anymore.
nevertheless, i am expecting a very happy christmas because it is the thought that counts. but if i, by a sick twist of chance end up unhappy on christmas eve then i will come find you. and i will kill you. because i am an evil assassin.

1. 1 000 000$ body shop gift voucher (body butter :D)
2. a very very very nice white t-shirt.
3. skinny jeans. preferably levis or tsubi.
4. anorexia in a bottle
5. house of leaves
6. shaun tan books
7. how to talk to girls by that cool 9 year old kid
8. a ps3 and psp and crisis core and everything else tetsuya nomura touched
9. another very very nice white t-shirt
10. a remote to kill people with and pause time and rewind and fast forward and whatnot.

oo. only 10 things. well mr sandy claws, i'll be waiting with milk, cookies and a shotgun :)

p.s. me and annabel find alcoholic chocolates quite enjoyable, so you know what to bring as an offering. preferably fine wine that is older than my ancestors.

i have often dreamt
of a far-off place
where a great warm welcome
is awaiting me

and the crowds will cheer
when they see my face
and a voice keeps saying..
this is where i'm meant to be..

i will find my way.
i can go the distance
i don't care how far,
somehow i'll be strong.
i know every mile
will be worth my while

i would go most anywhere
to find where i belong.

and i've found it.
all i need is a one-way plane ticket to korea.

actually no. it's probably not there. that's just my dream permanent holiday place.
i've been taken away from it for too long.
it's probbably somewhere else. just not here.
because home is supposed to be a sanctuary.
home is where you have people that care.
home is where you are happy
and.. you're supposed to be and feel safe at home.

home isn't where you feel endangered every 5 minutes
home isn't where you're frequently harrassed, interrogated and bashed
that's a fucking detention camp

i need to find my home soon before i detoriate and there's nothing left to find a home for.

just another day in grayscale.

Dad: LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING. OMG YOU HAVE NO TASTE OR SENSE AT ALL.
Mom: Of course not, if i had any taste or sense whatsoever, you think i'd have married a person like you?
Me: (eavesdropping) LOL.
and that was the nicest conversation the two had all week.

I WANT THE BOOK "How to talk to girls" by Alec Greven.
written by a 9 year old. i am willing to sacrifice 20$ for this.

100

today i lost all faith in humanity.
"sometimes kids forget that teachers are human too."
well if they acted like humans, then obviously, they would be treated like one.
it's really hard to respect someone as a human if they act like a dog or a pig half the time.
judy, here i come. in yr11 of course.
fuckk. why didn't i apply this year?
i even tried and got straight A's to look good on my application.
oh wells. will just have to do it again.
i bags sitting next to you in jap.
tho you don't blogspot..

my brother, yes the yr6 imbecile, just gave me a lesson in physics.
i think i've got one of those psychotic disorders.
or i'm on the island of dreams and nightmares.
it was like momo talking.

yes, this is a cry for help

i've just cut all my hair off.
yes, i know i said it a lot of times before, and it was just a trim
but this time its for real.
i did it :)
and now i feel a lot happier.
i know i'm going to regret this tomorrow
but i'm also going to enjoy your reactions.

ahahhhahhahahhaha.
i feel so carefree now that i've let go of everything.
i'd like to think of it as an act of defiance against.. life.
or whatever it is i'm defying.

be my pete wentz and i'll be your ashlee simpson!

13 december.
fuck.
why is that day so popular?
double booked again; this time more important.
duke of ed camp or pg1 yr9 party?
i was really really really looking forward to both.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
why does this always happen to me?
it's not fair.
i hope it rains. really really hard. so hard that the camp is postponed.

duke of ed camp is so inconvienient. this is the second fucking time.
first was missing out on korean proficiency test, which by the way cost 30$.
this time it's more. because it's all for free. the food. and everything.
i feel like cinderella. i can't go to the ball because of my chores. and all this other crap.
except for the fact that i'm not pretty, i don't have a fairy godmother and i most certainly don't have a prince charming waiting for me at the ball.
probably.

oh back in the days when i had a hearty heart..

xylophone

past two days were much fun :)
i hope i become a peer support leader. as much for the experience as for the badge.
for the paper thing, i forgot to throw my paper in so i only got like. 6 compliments.
some of them were really weird =/
but still, i appreciated them.
half the time i'm under the impression you all hate me and think i'm stupid.
i still think that, but just a little less now.
cz anyone can write nice messages on a piece of paper, but just how much of it do they really mean?
enough to make me happy, i guess.

today i left my huge umbrella at pennant hills station.
coz i gave it to kristie to hold and she put it down and never picked it up again.
F*CK. that was new. and. not mine.
my mum gave me a harsh talking to when i got home.
which made me sad again :(
oh wells.

zorry i needa blog starting with z

i have darlin i need ya by kid confucius and the happy song by killert00thbrush stuck in my head both at the same time. = mixture of happy sunhineyness.
today on the way back from school, on the bus i saw this truck from afar and it read
S
E
X

G
O
D

in my head i was like- damn, i wish i had a camera.
but i didn't. coz my phone got confiscated in the beginning of the year.
upon closer investigation, i realised that in a smaller, less noticable font, it actually read :
Southern
Eastern
Xpress

Guaranteed
Overnight
Delivery!

i hope they didn't do that intentionally. we have 3 year olds driving tonkas nowadays.
good things seem to happen where i least expect it.
i actually passed my english and jap exams with marks that were almost pleasing.
that was really suprising.
i almost smiled at my results for once.

ovaltini psychology

for the past 3-4 weeks (yearly weeks)
i've been plagued with the same thought over and over again.
what if i were to die tomorrow?
that lead to a
why am i doing this?
what the hell am i doing with my life?
am i happy?
if i were to die tomorrow.. what would i do?
no, it didn't really make me do or say anything i'd like to say before i die..
but it did make me fail all my tests because i stopped caring.
i'm always worrying about tomorow, next week, my future.
looking forward to things, imagining things that might happen later on
and never paying attention to the present.
see, today in itself is such a bother and a worry. tomorrow can look after itself.
why should i have to study a whole week just so in 3 years time i wont fail a series of tests which i need to ace to get in a good university to get a good job- all for what?
to lead a good life i might not even lead?
it never really struck me this hard that if i die, nothing will matter.
then my suffering would have been for nothing.
i'd have been ripped off, and that would you know, really suck.

it also made me realise most of my actions are limited and controlled by fear.
for example i've always wanted to run through a carwash when i was young but my brother said the spinny things will tear my head off and kill me.
so i didn't. not that they'd have let me anyways.
it also keeps me from being honest with certain people about certain things. because i'm afraid it'll affect our relationship long-termwise.
i'm afraid of doing drugs coz i might wind up with nerve problems when im 60
i'm afraid of overreating coz i might get fatter than i already am
i'm .. afraid of making mistakes, of failing, of regretting things of - oh screw this.
watching people get fucked over doesn't help much either, because it just makes me more aware just how dangerous and risky everything is.
which encourages me to hole up in my room in solitary confinement.
i'm going to try stop now. and attempt at living like tomorrow i'm going to die.

but.. im afraid of the consequences that might follow :(
and wishing i never did anything so.. spontaneous.
i'm afraid of a lot of things, im afraid.

memoirs of moi

hahahhaha
school reunion was .
not as good as i'd anticipated.
still, i left with a much higher self esteem.
mostly because one of the bitches who fucked me over in primary school is now fat and about a head shorter than me.
and she acts like me in yr7. i've no doubts about her intellegence level being about the same as that either.
so lame. so stupid. so pathetic
thast was enough to send my head up in the clouds
one of the boys were developing a moustache. LOL>LOLOL

my friend is 185cm now. the moustache guy is taller.
195? o____O
hawwwly shaaaaaaaaaaack. i feel so short.
+ they're both skinnier than me.
oh wells.

benkyou ga dekimasu

m-my owl shirt (u)
i hate you i hate you i hate you

childcare today.
it's actually made me realise that males aren't all born evil,
they just grow up and gradually become.. what they are at my age.
which is .. unpleasant, rude and rather lacking in more ways than one.
of course, this is just another stereotype but someone has yet to prove me wrong.
those that do pass are just lesser females in diguise :)

dilemma time!

what a typical dilemma.
school friends? primary school friends? or family?

see, this weekend there's wendy's party.
which i was really looking forward to.
what skipped my mind was that this weekend i also go camping with my family and karen's family.
which i was also really really looking forward to.
but this weekend there's also primary school reunion.
and.. i haven't seen my friends in yoinks.
although there are some sons of bitches id rather not see ever again, id meet them 34939843 times to see my friends again :)
so yeah. im leaning towards school reunion.
although i hated primary school.
my friends were really rad <3

oh fuck. i can't go. stupid parents already booked everything.
at least karen's coming with me.. aren't you?

oh yeah.

i have irrational fears of many things.
for example i can't take cockeroaches or spiders or any insect of the kind.
they flitter and flutter and if you squash them they leave gross juice marks.
i'm scared of falling from great heights, therefore i am scared of heights.
i am scared of big things. like. monsters. bigfoot. abominable snowman. bears. everything like that.
solid things that are bigger and fatter than me and are capable of killing me simply by sitting on me. that means im scared of a lot of teachers too =D
especially when they have that lolloping gait, swinging their arms violently around.
that really really really freaks me out.

what doesn't freak me out, however is things like ghosts.
satan. demon. i don' tthink they exist. and even if they do, i've nothing to fear.
ive got a bigger power on my side *smirks*

*saves

edit: i think i know the reason i am scared of big things well.. things taller than me and thicker than me adn stuff. that walk like.. with stomping feet and have big arms and walk very fast. and have quick, agile and violent movements.
it's because that is the image of my -
and that's been his image since i was very, very young. perhaps ever sincei was born.
one day i'm going to defeat the evil giant but even then i will still be scared.


bastard, he'll pay for this in the afterlife.

unforgettable experiences 08'

- hiking up and walking 5-10km in the blistering heat with black skinny jeans

- falling 2m into a pit of 4 week old water with sharp objects from which i have scars on my legs

- getting lost in anglican villages for 2 hours and eventually finding my way out and getting home at around 8pm (WITH NO PHONE)

- being stranded at epping station lugging around a bag full of goodies and a lamp. with no money or phone.

- living a whole year without a mobile phone, or a social life.

- going a term without any internet

i've got a dark alley and a bad idea.
peow peow peow.


i will find my niche in your car
wiht my mp3 dvd rumble packed guitar
i don't see what anybody sees
in anyone else

but you.

or not. il just keep reading fall out boy blogs =/

raining in my head

oh, how i love the city.
especially when it rains.

champagne for my real friends; real pain for my sham friends

just to let you know, just in case you didn't know
i love you guys =D
thankyou for being my friends.
and sticking around even though i can get really irritable and annoying.
without yous idno what i'd be or do.
plus school would really suck shit without everyone mucking around and making weird noises and telling lame jokes.
including those verses of rhymes we make up to "cheer" people on o_o


thankyou =]

but this doesn't extend much further to my other "friends"
just to let you know, i know pretty much who you all are.
and i know just what you're doing and what you want from me.
it's just a matter of time till you'll be done with me and start abandoning me,
don't you be getting cocky with me. the fact's true in converse too.
it'll just be a matter of time until i'll be sick of using you and be kicking you out of my world, my dear one-timer friend <3

ain't it a wonderful day?

YAYAYYAYYAYAYYAYA.
YEARLIES ARE OVER. NOW I CAN BE FREEEEE~
<3

i even skipped tennis to hang out with my friends for the first time in .. wait.. that really could be my first time since the year started o_o
havent done ddr for aages. i suck now.
I COULD BARELY DO EXPERT. ASDHOASD I SUCK NOW T__T


eugenie's place is fun.
we tried to make peanut butter shortcake but it was an epic fail.
ester just ended up mixing peanut butter with flour with all this other shit and it came out all clumpy and it looked disgusting but it tasted okay with ice cream.
but everything tastes okay with ice cream.

times so hard

you know, a bad day, i can take.
two, fine.
but when life continuously spams me with the shittiest days ever, i really do get pissed off.
yet another day of yearlies.

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk.

in science i literally pulled up blanks on every second question. almost.
i skipped a whole table and a coupla other questions.
some i just stupidly got wrong coz i like to play "answer the question without reading the instructions!"
still, mighta gotten a bit over 50% if im lucky.
not bad for a person who sleeps, eats and talks during science.
what if i fail it :(
not that i care. >_>

thank you. i really mean it.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.



WOW IM SPESH :)
HOW DISTURBINGLY ACCURATE THAT WAS?!?!

and to think, nicole and megan are exactly like that too!

yes, i'm talking to you

dear god,
what is it really all about?
what does it all mean?

i don't get it.
my head seems to be imploding.

but i would be eternally grateful if you just. stop time tomorrpw.
preferably just before the maths exam and let me drift off into limbo land where a giant pink grapefruit rules over candy trees and money grows out of the soil.
that would be ace.

k thx bye.
p.s. no, i don't expect you to really stop time. but plz plz plz help me somehow pass maths test at least =/
countin on you.

suffering from insomnia.
my brain is being split open for display by this stupid blog.

comprehende compadre?

rachel is a fucking genius

every day, every hour
got a chicken nugget in my pocket got a chicken in my pocket

click me =3

.. OH MY GOD TOP IS SO CUTEOOL
OIASHDOHSDFOIASHDOISAH
ASIFJDSOFHSDHFIODSHFO
ASODHODAHFIOSDHFO
SOIHDFOSDHFOISDHFOhiDSF
OISDJFOIDSJFO <3
well. on music core he looked much cuter than g.dragon o_o
OSUDHFOISDHFOSDHOFSDHOIFHSD TOPP<33 classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,0,0" id="NFPlayer88481" height="408" width="500">

oh . i'm turning into a big bang fangirl.
aoshdfg
i hate that song. her voice is annoying.
but still. top is in it. which makes it top =3

PSYCHO RADAR

So my brother did something cool for once and I caught him YouTubing again. The nonsense children watch nowadays. Nearly shat myself.
This is one angry german boy.



He shames all gamers.
.. I swear I don't do that.
Computer games are lame anyways. They're for work. Cool people have PlayStations, DS's and PSP's. No Kristie, only fag's have WII's.



I think a second one's a parody. Slighty funnier?
LOL. SPOILT BRAT. ALERT.

ugly or no?

The first question I ask myself when something doesn't seem to be beautiful is why do I think it's not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason. - John Cage

i know, i know.
you're probably all so sick of quotes that if i post one more, you might burst.
anyhow. whenever i think something is ugly, i don't have a reason either.
but that doesn't change the fact i think it's ugly.
it's just.. ugly o_o
that's why i sometimes go to crazy lengths to try make it pretty. or something i approve of.
thing is, when i'm done, even if it's pretty.. i still don't know why it is.
my lamp was a result of that.
even though i don't think it's as good as i wanted it to be.
i kind of made bobo like that too. i mean, what's the point of creating something if it's going to be ugly?
most people just say "oo beauty is only skin deep"
that's plenty deep enough for me. how deep do you want it to get?
pretty livers and beating hearts aren't really my kinda thing.
all creations should be designed to be appreciated and valued.
.. to bring joy. and possibly a reason to exist. be of some practical use at the very least.
i wish god had thought of that

coz i suck at cutting toenails
\

and so i stopped.

greed is a fat demon with a small mouth and whatever you feed it is not enough.
so i stopped.

haha i didn't go to school today.
you know you're sick once your blue pen turns red.
that's what i told them =]

i watched half of CJ7 today.
man that boy's such a bitch to CJ7, i mean, just coz something happened in his dream, he expects it to happen in real life.
thats fucking stupid. he even beat up that poor fella for it.
that's just like me shooting eugenie just coz in my dream she tried to suffocate me with boiled eggs.
maybe if HE was in my dream and a million dollar cheque somehow shot out of his ass
and in real life it didn't happen, does that mean i can cut up his rectum and search for that stupid piece of paper? or try submerge his head in the toilet coz im angry?
NO IT FUCKING DOESNT.
.. or is it just me that's weird?
it must be me.

im sorry im such a bitch. ):

CJ7 is the toy of my dreams.
it is not to be fucked with.

relax, take it eaaaasy

today i nearly got run over by a car.
i was waiting to cross the street with nicole and her house was just across the road
but stupid crazy drivers speed just coz there's no speed camera.
they never seem to stop coming
PHOOM PHOOM PHOOM . after a minute or so i got sick of it
and when i saw the road was quite clear i decided to cross.
coz you know, yeji and megan said i don't needa by scared of cars.. right?

and then i heard the screeching of brakes.
too bad i didn't stop walking =/
when i looked back after i crossed, i saw that nicole had crossed with me.
the driver was pissed off lol.
his fault he was driving so fast =]
it would have served him right if he hit me.
nicole lives 8 minutes away from me
i am so fucked this weekend.

e m o

getting up in the mornings is getting harder and harder.
someone taped my back to the mattress, i swear.

i don't hate school.. do i?
i'm such an idiot. i get so.. envious easily o_o
and compare myself to everyone and everything.
cz.. i was taught like that.
going to school is.. confronting in that manner.
it makes me question myself and think stuff like
.. now why aren't i smart like that?
is everyone talented except for me?
how come she's so skinny?
why are they so _______?
am i really alone?
what exactly am i good at anyway?

i'm a .. tryhard o_o"
thinking all this makes me psycho and i just HAVE to be better than them.
so i try. hard. sort of. then i eventually realise i cbf.
i'm too lazy. so i'd rather retreat into my little sanctuary of a room and never come out.

im just not enough. says the inner emo

quoteth once more

I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. - Jane Austen

but..

“It’s not okay to hate anybody.”—Atticus (pg. 246)

spot on, oh great masters.

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. - Ellen Goodman

i just love pessimistic quotes

Wise men learn more from fools, than fools from the wise - my fortune cookie today =D

my inescapable doom

mood: emo
status: bracing self for school

SAVE ME. SOMEBODY.
i.. i .. i don't want to go to school :'(
not now, not ever... not yet ..
NEVERRRRR
yearlies. assignments. stress. peer pressure. socialising. teachers. etc.
i don't wanna grow up either. i like sitting here doing nothing =[
wahh

no, i don't miss you(s).
not yet.. wait, why would i ever miss YOU?

oh yeah. i was playing one of my brother's games - world ends with you,
anyhow. in this cute little scene, Joshua murders the main character with a gun.

... i thought it was a paint roller.
and he had that crazy look on his face so i thought he was going to uhh..
smack him on the head or shove it in his mouth and kill him or something..
then i saw him shoot with it and i was like o_O"
japan must have the wackiest paint rollers in the world.
what a wonderful world this is

Great DJ

the ting tings - traffic light =DD

don't you be a traffic light
don't you be a traffic light
with all things said you turn to red
don't you be a traffic light

and don't you be a round-a-bout
no not another round-a-bout
we've come so far yet back to the start
don't you be a round-a-bout

oh now baby don't miss read the signs
if you turn the key then things will turn out fine

lets not have a break down
no not another breakdown
you're on your own a long way from home
lets not have a breakdown

don't miss read the signs
if you had just turned the key
then things would have turned out fine
you're pushing me, you're breaking, over taking me
you're racing, first placing me
not chasing me back home

don't let me down

i always openly rejected the idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

well i still think its bullshit but when the thing you're missing comes back

for me.. well i get really really happy.

i'm not sure if this counts but i love my ps2. beyond words, trust me.

i can sit there and burn a week with my darling.

and.. recently it broke so i was like.. ohh psht. i got a ds and i can just buy me another.

BUT TODAY IT WORKED AGAIN

YAYAYYAYYA

i was so happy i felt like i was about to vomit blood and start frothing at the mouth and roll on the floor.

that's how happy i was =D

and then she was like, whoa and i was like, totally.

one without knowledge lacks even the knowledge to be ashamed of themself.
just like how fools are too foolish to realise they are fools.


so just go foolishly fooling around in your foolish ways with your fool pals, you foolishly foolish fool.

like, whoa man.

it's my bro's bday today!!
yayayayay.. not.
we're all getting old. and wiser.
unfortunately you only seem to get cockier every time you shove your face into that cake.
blueberry shortcake, darling what the HELL were you thinking?
there's mango, strawberry and all the other nicer alternatives
what the hell made you want BLUEBERRY on your SHORTCAKE?
bloody idiot.
enjoy your 95$ present.
bastard.

i spoil you i swear - jack

hey there, i like your hair

omgomg and i cut my hair again. now it's like.
super duper uber short.
i hope it'll grow back in time for school =]

i just went to my old bebo...
it's going to be deleted .. todayish..
and i was going thru comments and like.
everyone's all I LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?
and giving me luv... and i'm js like. yeah, w/e.
but... it does help to know you're loved =]
... well. sometimes.

gay, like, literally.

chris crocker is pretty O_O'
like.
i thought he was a girl.





....
yeah.

it's okay, i never liked the blue sky much anyway

duke of ed camp.
let's just say, you mention it to me and i'll burst in to tears.
if i could. but i can't
coz now i'm like. fully tank.
i had to carry a 13kg bag up 30km of hiking.
up mountains as steep as your mum.
fuck fuck fuck i felt like dying
the instructor wasn't much of a human either.

worst of all, i went braindead. i swear i left it at epping station.
and i was screaming im a ninjaaa! and jumping across rocks.
then i slipped.
and fell like. 2m.
into a huge puddle of water. smack bang in the middle of nowhere.
apparantly it was 4 weeks old.
i crawled out, 13kg rucksack still firmly attached and sporting 2 marvellous scratches and an even more spectacular super-sized bruising just underneath my knee.
i felt fantabulous.
remember that this is in the middle of nowhere.
where mad cows can randomly come into your tent and eat your brains.
pools of water aren't just pools of water.
in nowhere, pools of water have sharp pieces of wood and pirahnas and stuff.

duke of ed camp = survival camp.

on the brighter side, other than the hiking everything was supercalafragalistic.
like. me and kristie had a lovely time singing off-tune to disney hits.
it really did help speed up the journey.
we should make an album someday matey ;D

we christianed megan a korean.
now we're the three sitting ninjas. oh yeeeeeeeeeeeah.

i feel dead and i don't want to go to school tomorow.
i sport the ugliest pair of legs now =[

bleed me dry; i still won't

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22,23

.. against such things there is no law.


you're lucky i had exo today and this verse somehow just wiped your slate clean.

sunday sunday sunday

추석!... uhh
yeah. HAPPY CHU SUK EVERYBODY!!!






drummers should never ever get haircuts.

camp colossal catastrophe

not to be a pessimistic bitch or anything,
but i'm not looking forward to tomorow.
yup.
tomorow's first day of camp.

sure, it's five days of liberation.
liberation which i could have as easily spent in the peace and luxury of my own blasted home.
my parents both work, my brother goes to school, i have a nice internet, a ds, computer, other gaming consoles and books to read.
aka = bliss.

i'm sacrificing this. to spend 5 days in the fucking bush sloshing around in old joggers.
in a cabin full of randoms cz of unforseen circumstances
plus in the activity groups ive only got cilla and annabel.
which, i suppose, is a sustainable source of joy. for now.

my bag is popping.
5 days of idiots shoving their stupid cameras in my face. (possibly)
5 days of prospective embarrassment
5 days of calm before the storm - everything's due in the weeks that follow.

oh. i feel the cacaphony of disaster slowly approaching me yet again.

i might have been born with a bogan for a brother.

he went to the toilet. while on the phone.

just coz he didn't like that person,

dude. seriously?

what. the. hell.

pieces of what?

dear god(s) deities and idols..
most of all santa claus.

i did not ask for the moon
i did not ask for a long happy life, a full straight A yearly report, or even to come first in jap this year.
all i did was ask for a nice new pair of pretty skinny jeans.
in fact, you weren't even going to pay for them.
I was buying them for MYSELF.
all i asked for was you to keep other people from bidding on my precious precious jeans.
AND WHAT DO YOU DO?
CREATE SOME PSYCHO WHO SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE BIDS 80$.
DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN FOOT A BILL OVER $50?
YOU .. YOU MEAN PERSON(s).

my heart = gone.
yup. i tucked it inside those jeans beautifully designed pockets.
they better magically end up in my postbox by the time im back from camp.
or else >=[


... this isn't working..
oh, my poor, darling tsubi jeans :'(
i hate the world.
i hate the way it spins on it's stupid axis
stupid delicate axis.
one day i'll knock it right off that stupid axis.
then you'll be sorry.

SKANKSKANKSKANK

today was saesoon talent quest.
even some pg2 ppl showed up.
i was like.
WOWOOWOWOOWOWOW.DAMN.

i wish i could move like that.
i didn't even think it was physically possible for people to dance like that.
freaking machines i tell u.

edit: now that i think of it. it wasn't all that great.
i'd have rather had another nap.
it did make me realise what my church ppl are capable of doing tho.
and WOW do they know how to SHAKE THAT.

this is quite a pointless blog. seeing as only ha eun will understand what im saying
and my church people are generally too skanky to do anything but bebo.

LOVELOVELOVE

ASDOUFHOASHDOAS.

I LOVE SOOMPI. AND SEOULPOP OR WHATVER IT CALLS ITSELF.

T- THATS THE GIRL FROM BIG BANG'S HARU HARU VIDEO CLIP!

AND FROM HIGH KICK.

Yeah I reckoned she looked sort of unnatural, and that she still wasn't as pretty as ayumi lee.. but... WOW. WOW WO WO WOWOWOW.

so i looked it up in korean words and i found one of kim ah joong from well..

200 pounds of beauty aka 미녀는 괴로워 (shit translating, much?)

stupid blogger made it smaller... BUT YOU GET THE GENERAL IDEA RIGHT?

ignore the bitchy comments. i don't see why people are so against plastic surgery.

probably coz after surgery, these people are better than them.

then there was this other one of kim tae hee.. with price tags.

$15 000 for top eyelid surgery? then 20 000 more for the bottom half? (noob guestimate conversion)

dang i gotta start saving up..

plastic fantastic indeed =D

hate blog of bitchiness

is there a point?
bitching about all those people?
backstabbing them, using them, then turning right around and being their sweet little friend again?
do you even have the capacity to feel guilty?
or appreciate what you've got? what they give?
i guess not. you don't even seem to be capable of acknowledging your betters.
mary might type funny, leanne might be boy obsessed and sara might be an all-out slut.
but when it comes to strangers or people whom you've never even talked to or met,
don't you think you're going a bit too far?
there is a limit to shallowness and being blindly arrogant (or so i thought)

so they look like they photoshop their pictures. don't you?
they look slutty. they sound retarded. they look like they had surgery. so what?
does that change anything at all?

alienating people, your friends and yourself isn't going to get you anywhere.
i'm going to try feel sorry for you.
when those other people find out what your other face is like, they're not going to just sit there and twiddle their thumbs.


i am a hypocritical bitch with no heart. i know, so don't bother reminding me.

personal definition of :

I lost an auction on the prettiest pair of lee's skinny jeans.
just coz i had tennis for an hour, and someone beat my bid.
I came home just as the auction ended.
and that is my personal interpretation of lost love =[

(u)

blog addict;

the worst thing in the world -
walking home from childcare at night
hungry, cold, all by myself
and just as i turn into that dark alley shortcut
my mp3 runs out of battery.

fuck.
that was scary.

P A R T Y in da house yo'

Kristie's party wasn't a total waste of time as I'd anticipated.
It didn't really exceed my general expectations of a party though.
It was quite arduous to go through in a way.
Half the time we just waited. For someone to do something stupid or entertaining.
The rest was.. much too dramatic to say the least.
In a way, this was the most eventful boring party ever.
After truth or dare, majority was happy again :D
(as if you don't know why)

This party was much too emotional.
which is bad.
it makes me all phobic and awkward and stuff.
It's okay with you people, but not me.
When someone's upset or something, I've no idea what to do.
I'm not usually upset and I don't really cry.
I have enough problems in life like pretending not to care, or in kristie's case, pretending not to hear.
I am the unseeing, unknowing, unfeeling slab of flesh you call a human.
(or so i like to tell myself)

.... brb doing my 2 freaking essays in korean due tomorow.
I PRACTICED ALL WEEK LISTENING TO NOTHING BUT EPIK HIGH AND BIG BANG!!
-[[kRnPrIdE]]-

WHOOPEE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISSUS MAK!!
YAYYYYY!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTIE.
I MAY NOT SHOW IT BUT YOU ARE VERY COOL.
AND . STUFF.
YEAH. JUST PRETEND I SAID SOME AFFECTIONATE STUFF ABOVE.
YAYYY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES FOR EVERYONE!
YAYY!

go yonder down to the edge of the world; do me a favour and please fall off, sir.

SHUTUP
SHUTUP
SHUTUP.

stop talking to me. stop influencing me.
SHUT UP.

i hate being a child.
i hate being so forgiving and little and helpless and stupid and ignorant.
but i can't help it.
i hate the way i keep changing like the seasons too.
waiting for the better me to come back =/

Pass me the brick, dear.

"Most of the time, I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I have no fun at all." Woody Allen

Avatar finished =[

I am Jacks' neglected shadow.

Friday Syndrome

screw duke of ed camp.
THANKYOU MEEGAN~

gatsby ads are hot.
and the models are pretty

gatsby's marketing techniques are amazing.
I was half convinced i should cut my hair short and get me a tub of gatsby in every colour, scent and flavour.
but im not.

then i somehow ended up doing it for commerce. i hate being so stubborn. and blindly jumping off cliffs in my mind has become a dangerous habit.

I can do predictions

I'm stranded right where I knew I would be, two days ago.
It's 10.30pm and I don't want to do my English analysing crap which is due tomorow.
I don't get it. If I do, I'm just going to keep pretending I don't.
+ If I can, I'm not going to bother.

Why
Is
School
So
Stressing?

It's making my split personalities develop faster and faster
and all my phobias are becoming more apparant by the minute.

On the bright (or darker) side, within the next few weeks they're going to announce the person who got the scholarship. As well as who's next on the list.
I'm crossing my fingers so hard they might lose feel and fall off.

The broken glass which is life

I have another speculation.
All teachers are supplied with a Fitness First bag the day they're hired into the workforce.
This uncongenial combination has driven teachers to the point where they are simply inhumane. Especially english teachers who give us useless homework, in which one must analyse a chapter outlining use of language, techniques, themes and all that other rubbish nobody even pays any attention to.
I HATE YOU ALL.

I HATE THE WORLD.
Actually, I really do mean it this time. A bit.
I hate the way it spins. It's making me dizzy.
I'm going to fall off one day.

W00T L33T ROFL h@XX0rZ

One upon a time, there lived a silly little girl.
That girl lived a normal life full of shit
Until one day she snapped and went crazy.
Her mind was about to burst you see.
But it didn't.
So it split.

Poor, poor little girl.
You are so stupid.

Angst of an Angry Asshole

Bang Bang You're Dead - Dirty Pretty Things

I knew all along
That I was right at the start
Bout the seeds of the weeds
That grew in your heart
Self satisfaction for the factions
Who formed to tear us apart
Well I gave you the Midas touch
Oh you turned round and scratched out my heart

Oh what did you expect?
Oh tell me what did you expect?
To lay it on my head
So is it all upon my head?

Bang bang you're dead
Aways so easily lead
Bang bang you're dead
Put all the rumours to bed
Bang bang you’re dead

Things I learnt today

Today was a very educational day where I learnt many things.
- Most only childs have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Maths teachers have no hearts.
- Attacking people with lawnmowers, even if it's imaginary, is BAD
- Hand in homework on time or History faculty will bite my head off
- I should get some homework done
- If you have a brother and are a girl then you have a 75% chance of being retarded
- There are such people who are a waste of space
- I can always find something to whinge, complain and rant about

Love
Rude

Egoistic egotism of supercillous pomposity.

The stupidest things piss me off.
Oh dear, I'm breaking into a rant.
Generally speaking, I come well under the heading of disrespectful little brat.
I usually think I'm better than most of my teachers and believe that were I their age, I'd be far more higher than them in terms of society and wealth.

Sometimes I think that bad people should never have even been created.
But then I sort of.. appreciate their shallow existance.
The thought that I'm better than those people who swear and drink alchohol all the time.
+ a whole other big list of people.
It gives me that nice, warm arrogant feeling inside.
The feeling I always seem to cling onto. Almost as if to assure myself something.
I would hate it if it ever went away.
And that pity, knowing that they can't even imagine leading a different life, the fact that they are stupid to the extent that they can't even comprehend how stupid they are
and when you try to teach them, they immediately reject the idea that there is anything better than what they are right now;
nor do they acknowledge the fact that they are equal to or lesser than the very dirt on which animals spit on.
At some point I just gave up and decided to let them bask in their hypocritical, pointless world of filth.
Yes, I guess I do classify as one of them.

But that's just me.
I was bought up that way.

There's a huge list of people I think are retarded.
Me included. (and maybe you too)

Dreams, dreams.

On average I sleep 14+ hours a day in holidays.
= lovely big puzzling random dreams.

In one of them I watched my school turn into ruins.
In another I got kim jae joong's autograph on a tissue o_O"
In another I was in a banana plantation with school friends and an evil monkey/animal.
AND IN MY MOST RECENT, I WAS A NINJA that was in bunnings or coles looking for fruitcake and glittery astronaut suit on a secret mission.

This is better than movies =/
I wonder if death is like this.

Raggid hills, aud vallies wide,

I hate those big ugly people who drive big ugly cars and beep at everything. (me)
I hate those big ugly people who think they're special and important.
Like those old people who prefer to be called "elderly" act as if they're the monarchy too.
I dont even get why we still have a king or queen.

I HATE EVERYTHING.

But Shaun Tan.
His books are awesome
I WANT THEM ALLLL
The Rabbits is $200+
I am screwed =[

edit: TODAY I BOUGHT HIS BOOK "THE RED TREE".


SFOSDFDOISJFSOIDJS<3
thankyouu annabel ~

IT'S FINALLY HERE.

today i was so tired i fell asleep as soon as i got home.
now i can't go back to sleep..
i dont wanna be nocturnal =[
that's cilla's thing.
and possums and bats and other furry things that drink blood and copulate..

yesterday it was someone special's birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU WHORE YOU'RE ALMOST AS OLD AS ME NOW!
I LOVE YOU ALMOST AS MUCH AS SHE DOES
wow you're really young o_o

discrimination and discord <3

Im writing my speech for mary armstrong.
Why women are superior to men.

To get more points, I was looking up feminist quotes. I found some interesting stuff.
W I F E = washing, ironing, fucking, etcetera
L A D = lazy arse dickheads (someone's pm..)

EDIT: my speech was lame in my opinion. went alrite tho.
Next day was great debate which totally opposed my speech. The team saying women needed saving won. Amazing. Women can achieve anything. Even the self-derogatary stuff.

What kind of dream are you having tonight?

This morning i woke up at 6.30am as scheduled.
Then i went back to sleep. and didn't wake up.
I was sick you see. Incredibly sick.
I was coughing like a hag, my nose running like a tap, my head aching and I had a ridiculously sore throat
and no frigging soothers what so ever.
because my parents dont know what soothers are. so they got me lollies instead.
*#%^#*

And so i spent most of the day in bed.
I'd planned on getting some work done.
But instead i ate ramen and watched dvds and stuff.
i am so fat.

MY BROTHER IS MOST LIKELY GOING TO NORMO NEXT YEAR.
oh my god. shoot me. please.

Period 2 - Maths with Mr Shalmar.
He's weird. like. gay weird. I hate gay people.

- BREAKING NEWS -

annabel found this shocking link here

“If you go about 8 pm, you get a peaceful swim because it is quite quiet. And you get a wonderful view of the Harbour Bridge, Luna Park, and the restaurant above full of diners. I always hope that the diners see me swimming and feel guilty that they're eating such a lovely meal instead of exercising!”

Siff he wants them to feel guilty.
He wants them to see him and think he's buff.
Which of course, he is not.
He's a friggin maths teacher.
yuck.
I want an interview.

I used to rule the world.

Today all my teachers were men.
I really shouldn't blog unless something radically funny happens.
But it never does. So here's my recount of today's lessons with obese, grotesque, grumpy old men.

Period 1 - Commerce with Mr RelPhar.

Coldplay - Viva La Vida

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when i gave the word

is a freaking awesome song. as is the ipod ad for it.
However Mr RelPhar was convinced it was sexual.
Mr RelPhar is becoming the most unintentionally funniest teacher ever.
"Oooh sexy pictures, I knew it!"
*does dramatic pose* "I find this very sexual"

honestly. what kind of teacher does that?
ahh well. he's pretty awesome when he's not pmsing tho =/
i'll even buy him a christmas present-
1 pair of haircutting scissors
2 hairties
4 hairclips

Quoteth Today

For some reason, Sewon, Genie and I were sitting in a corner of a classroom being fobs.
yeah. retarded fobs.
we were making weird noises and laughing madly at our own stupidity.
then we came to the inevitable awkward silence part.
it was going all well until genie put on a serious face and stated calmly
"I vibrate (when I laugh)."

I died in hysterics.
And that was the highlight of my day.

She said, "I could have screamed, and then the phone!"

today was a crappiest crap day ever.
first i get picked out by mr tonhat coz of no tie,
then i get stuck in the stupid epping train barriers coz SOMEONE forgot about me.
the girl behind me was giving me such a wtf look.

and i cant read much on the maths board without glasses.
my parents promised me glasses last month and braces last year
and here i am quite braceless and glassesless.

stupid stupid stupid.
i hope you get hit by a bus.